Fear Not...

Last night I had the joy of attending the first meeting for our church's annual Women's Conference.  The past two years I have had the delight in serving with some wonderful women in preparation for the event.  My part, fitting enough, is to take care of organizing, ordering, and presenting...LUNCH.  I love it!

So last night we were talking about the speaker, whom I have never heard of, and the topic for the conference.   The speaker is Andree Seu and the topic is Fear.  Andree writes for WORLD magazine and has a depth about her that I am just beginning to unearth.  We were given her book of essays, We Shall Have Spring Again, and last night I stayed up reading through a few.  These are liquid gold...amazing stuff.

I'm excited to hear what she has to say, to help ready the meal, and to see the hearts of women changed as God sees fit.  The conference is April 23-24 and if you would like to help out with lunch, I love volunteers, and if not, I hope you will pray about coming.  I mean, really who doesn't struggle with fear:)

Here's a glimpse into Andree...

In her essay Trust Me, she is struggling with insomnia and calling out to the Lord to help heal her.  I'm not sure all of us struggle with this, but we struggle with other things so feel free to replace insomnia with other things such as fear, anxiety, control, obedience, love.

"This is the best I can do with unanswered prayer.  The possible answers seem to be "yes," "no," or "you have no idea what's going on behind the curtain of your sensate reality, so you best make up your mind once and for all--I love you.  Will you trust me?"

Isn't that the truth.  And following this in another essay she states...

"You can say I'm depressed.  So what?--and carry on iwth the energy God supplies.  All the while you keep in mind that your one neighbor has chronic back pain and your other neighbor has neurofibromatosis.  You are not a tragic special case, cut off by a chasm from the rest of humanity.  The condition is just what is common to man, the prescription is still faith, and the grace for it is inexhaustible."

I love her straightforward style and at the end of the day, she's right. 

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison" and because Christ is with us we can trust in God's word "Fear not, for I am with you.  Be not dismayed for I am your God." 

Enough

The all-sufficient one...El Shaddai...The Lord is enough

For Abraham in Genesis, the Lord was enough.  He was the "pourer forth," the one who pours himself out for his creation (noted from Lord I want to know You, Kay Arthur).  His Grace is sufficient, He is enough.  This is what the Lord has been teaching my heart these past few days.  No matter what comes our way, no matter the day and hour, He is all sufficient...enough.

When I am honest with myself, like I was yesterday, I know I am not acknowledging the Lord as enough.  There are things I want, things I don't understand, things that hurt.

As a child, I always wanted to be the mommy to my dolls, stuffed animals, to anything.  I'm a nanny.  I was a early childhood major in grad school.  It's obvious I love children.  Right now, the one thing I was ready for, wanting, thought might come a little easier, is not.  About a month ago, I was referred to an Infertility Specialist.  Disheartening, yes.  Encouraging, maybe.  A test of faith, absolutely.

Maybe we'll get pregnant, maybe not.  But at the end of the day, I hear my Savior asking, "Am I enough?"  Yes Lord, whether you open my womb or not You are ENOUGH!

As I stumble down this new road, new path for our lives, I'm grasping hold of the verse that always comforts my heart:

"You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off";

fear not for I am with you,

be not dismayed, for I am your God,

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  ( Isaiah 41:9b-10)

God's righteous right hand refers to Jesus...I want to be upheld by Jesus, the perfecter of my faith.  God hasn't promised to open my womb, to bless us with children, to make life easy, but he has promised that He will be with us every step of the way...rejoicing with us and suffering with us and at the end of the day, that is more than ENOUGH!

God is GOOD...

and how difficult it is at times to trust in this when he gives and takes away. One of our close friends has lost their baby at 18 weeks . Oh how my heart is grieving with them in their loss. To lose a child you feel moving in your body, to lose a life at any age, it hurts....a lot. There is no reason except an ETERNALLY WISE reason. God is GOOD...ALL the time. He knows our EVERY move...He BREATHES life...He CREATES. Though we may never understand, we rest in HIM by faith, the one who is All wise, All knowing, All powerful, and All loving. This God is MY GOD and THEIR GOD. Praise Jesus. Praying for you, Johnsons.

Black and White and Blue in Between

are you a black and white thinker? i hate to admit but i am. i see things in extremes. it's always or never, yes or no, good or bad. this is a problem i have dealt with throughout my life, and when you think this way, more often than not, it brings along with it the blues. lately i have been tuned in more than ever to my need to change this way of thinking. you might ask why, and you may already know why. black and white thinking in my opinion, is not kind to the Lord. because with this mindset he is either giving or taking away, punishing or blessing, good or bad. i have to fight to see joy, to find grace, to see my sin as not all consuming. which is good, but more often than not i see myself as unworthy instead of saved by grace. it's a hard fight. one i will always have, but i want to fight in a God glorifying way. just this past week i have been struggling earnestly with some sin. even after confessing it and filling my head with grace-filled scripture, i still felt like i was a horrible, sinful person unworthy of the cross. now that is just sinful pride and satan whispering you're not worthy. but it usually takes another person to come along side of me and speak truth over and over again. i'm thanking the Lord for my grace-filled and ever patient husband. i've been reading "how people change" by Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp. i've been thoroughly encouraged by their words namely these: "God calls you to be dissatisfied. You should be discontent, restless, and hungry!...The life of self-examination and joyful disontent should not be confused with a life of paralyzing self-condemnation. God does not call us to self-loathing but to a willingness to examine our lives in light of our hope as new creatures in Christ" (how people change, 2006) ...and i'm clinging to these truths: -God is not surprised by my struggle -The Bible is for people just like you and me -Christ enters into my struggle. He has been there!! -Christ will help. I am confident I am not alone. -Christ pleads my case to the Father. I have an advocate. -I can come to God with confidence. I am beginning to take my black and white and conform it into many more shades of gray to in hopes turn my blues to reds as I look to the blood of Christ as my perfect redeemer. I am praying that one day I will be able to see myself as a flawed person in a broken world with a view of myself as filled with gospel infused hope, where I am not discouraged, but encouraged. what kind of thinker are you?

The Good Nearby

"I may not have all the money to give you, child, but know this: I love you more than anyone in the world, and I want you to know you're special. You're going to do something important someday. It may not change the entire world, but it'll change the world of the people around you. You'll be the good nearby....People don't realize good is closer than they think...the good nearby." (excerpt from The Good Nearby by Nancy Moser)

I just started this book the other night, and it's really good. But the one thing that caught my attention was the way the grandmother spoke to her granddaughter about being the good nearby. After Pastor John's last couple of sermons on scripture memorization and abiding with the Lord, I got to thinking that the two are linked.

When God abides in you, you are able to be the good nearby. These past eight months have been difficult for Alex and I, difficult for our marriage, for our walk with the Lord, for our friendships. And yet, I don't think either of us would change a thing. We've done without, learned to live on little, and depend on the Lord like never before. And through it all there have been plenty of people around us as our good nearbys. Thanks to everyone who was our good nearby!

We've been challenged to be the good nearby for our families and brothers and sisters in Christ even more. Praying this year you would join us in offering a willing heart to the Lord to be used by Him in ways outside yourself to help those in need and those who are in difficult circumstances.

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him...if we love on another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." (1 John 3:16-17, 4:12)

2009! Happy New Year!

Last night after we finished up working and quickly getting the house ready for two separate showings, Alex and I snuck away to Caribou for a large coffee for two. It's these little moments that seem to make the world of difference in our busy days and weeks. Afterward we were free to hustle and bustle and get things ready for our small group New Year's Party. Thanks to the Goodall's for hosting and for a fabulous night to ring in the new year! We are so thankful for the friends we have made through our small group...definitely a blessing:) So last night we got into listing things we were thankful for so I thought I might be able to recap what we are thankful for, each on our own. Here goes: Andrea: -God's continual provision and guiding through the past year...I never would have thought back last January that here we would be in 2009 having completed a house flip, carrying two mortgages, Alex trading in remodeling for freelance work, etc. In October we budgeted and had money to carry both mortgages through Jan., then in December through God's provision until March and now until May. GOD IS AN AMAZING PROVIDER...in ways we would have never fathomed. -For Alex, his love, grace and sense of humor, work ethic, drive, and faith in Christ. With him I am complete, a better person and more loving wife. -For my job and that family...their kindness surpasses and the humor of children keeps me sane -family, friends and BBC, for support, love, and prayer Alex: -for my wife, her trust in me to go out on a limb and try something new, support even when all plans have been changed, altered, and have not come out as planned, sense of humor to keep me laughing even when I am extremely stressed -God's provision and ultimate plan...like Andrea said, God has provided in stolen tools, broken cars, through family and friends, in ways we couldn't ask or imagine. To be brought to this place of seeing provision with new eyes is the perfect place to be -The lessons we've learned through the past year, ways we've been taught to love more, discern, and trust were huge

{Praying for 2009 to be even more than we could ask or imagine...for us, you and yours}

My mother sent me this prayer as part of an email. Rather than sending it on, I decided to post it, because I was well, touched! May God bless your day today! Dear Lord, I thank You for this day, I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day. Clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And give me the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will, Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have Words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with othersI pray for those that don't believe, But I thank You that I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy, in their homes; that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees itIn Jesus' name. Amen!

Are you there God?

Do you ever wonder if God is hearing you? Why He has brought you where you are? Why He is being silent? Somedays are better than others, in fact most days are really good, and then others are blessings as He takes us deeper than we've ever gone before, taking hold of our hand and carrying us to places we've never experienced, places where we have no choice but to trust His sovereignty and His Promises. Every day, whether I experience the presence of God or not, He is there! God is there, ready to help us out of every trouble, despair, minefield of life that at times can threaten our faith and sanity, but in all things He is faithful. I will Glory in My Redeemer...

Just one of those days...

when praising Jesus takes all you have, swimming in the mercy of Christ because if you don't you may drown under the weight of earthly burdens threatening to strangle what faith remains. how I love Jesus, his mighty right hand jehovah jireh, provider of all I need gracious pain to bring supreme joy oh that I would be shining silver, refined dawns breaking on a new day, there's hope with the almighty wrapping his loving hands around me, without it I just might fail to see how precious trials and pain can be open my eyes to see your glory, make my ever wayward heart trust in your unfailing goodness, it will be just fine...it will be

A changed heart, a changed life

Our pastor at our church has been speaking on faith and the process of regeneration and rebirth, what it means to be born again. It's been great and thought provoking and yet so reassuring, faith strengthening to revel in the truth that I am saved by grace alone, by faith alone, by the blood of Jesus alone. I am saved...though still a sinner, Christ is on my side, my advocate before the Father, allowing me to stand before God, cleansed and forgiven. Easter is upon us...not a time of easter eggs and the easter bunny, but the time to rejoice in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ...without this there would be no hope. I was in junior high when God began pursuing my heart. Though I grew up going to church, I thought and believed I was giong to heaven because that was just the way it was, becuase I was baptized. And as I got older I was never comfortable with that notion, it had to be something else...for me it was acknowledging who God was and who He is today. He is almighty, filled with grace...and it was his work, he took my sinful heart of stone and he gave me a heart of flesh, he opened my eyes to grace and my need for a Savior, and I now stand before God forgiven. My life is changed and I don't want to live any day without Jesus. Without Him, there si no hope, only an eternity of hell. This easter we urge you to seek and savor Jesus, his death and resurrection and pray that God would open your heart to new life in Jesus...

Our El Elyon and El Roi

The Most High, sovereign ruler of all teh universe. The one who sees, the omnipresent Lord. I am so thankful for my God, the God whose rule is perfect and the God whose eyes are open and aware of all circumstances. I believe in a God who does all things for our good, who brings hardships and trials to demonstrate His greatness and bring Him glory. I believe in a God who knows every hurt and sees every injustice and disrespect. "The Lord of hosts has sworn saying, 'Surely, just as I have intended so it has happened and just as I have planned so it will stand.' (Isaiah 14:24)" "I am the Lord, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, creating well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these" (Isaiah 45:6-7) "The eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good" (Proverbs 15:3) These verses comfort me, bring me hope and bring the focus back to God. Who are we to think we help God, to judge Him for His actions. God is sovereign, He sees all, He is perfect and all He does is perfect. All things happen under His control, but the famines and floods, and killings, and deaths, He allows them all but He sees our pain and ultimately He brings healing and forgiveness. After a week of trials and hardships, I am thankful for a God who knows every hair on my head and takes hold of my hand with His right hand to pull me thorugh. He is mighty and He is able. A baby dies this week as their mother's fallopian tube was removed due to an ectopic pregnancy, a job was lost that could have secured 3/4 of a year's revenue, people are suffering with illness. Did God allow these painful things? Why? He did, and He did because he has a perfect plan for eternity. If you believe this, with all your heart, that our circumstances are but the head of a needle in light of eternity and the will of God, adn you take refuge in a loving and seeing God, who endures every hardship and pain with you, then you can begin to understand and see the sovereignty of God, like I try to day in and day out, relying on my Father, through faith.