18 days ago...

18 days ago I turned 29, one year closer to 30.  18 days ago I didn't really think anything of it.  And then as I sat watching 'Julie and Julia' tonight, I realized she was like me when she decided to do the Julie/Julia project...29.  I am NOT going to work my way through Julia Child's "How to Master the Art of French Cooking" but I might buy it:)

During the movie, Alex turned to me and said..."Honey, remember when you were so passionate about food?"  Apparently my lack of inspiration in the past few weeks has showed! 

Yup...I remember.  I remember rushing around at all hours of the day to complete my baking masterpiece while trying to cook my way through Dorie Greenspan's cookbook with fellow bloggers.  I remember pulling my first turkey from the oven, being ecstatic opening any kind of food gift, and making a huge mess of the kitchen and just shrugging it off.  I remember loving every minute of it. Simple fascination...similar I guess to when I realized Alex was the one.

But that woman I was has been lost a little along the way. That joy for food...it's diminished a little.  And frankly, I don't like it one bit.  In 2005 I read Julie Powell's book...right when it was coming out...I was following her blog.  It was good, but the movie was so much better. 

Thank you Julie and Julia for reigniting a passion, a love for simple food that tastes absolutely delicious.  Maybe my 29th year won't be so bad after all.

A great post

I headed over to True Woman today because the title of a blog post caught my interest:

Should she be a doctor?

 

 The article pertained to whether a young woman should pursue a degree as a doctor if she also wanted to be a wife and mother.  As a woman who was in the midst of finishing my Master's and then stopped, I was curious what other women would say.  I chose my direction after a lot of prayer and ultimately I know for me, I'm right where I should be.  I really liked what they had to say!

14 days until christmas...

and I can't wait!  Waiting is not my strong suit. EVER.  I was that kid who hunted down presents and shook them to no end, anticipating what was inside:)  This season of Christmas, though, offers the best kind of waiting...if there is such a thing.  Waiting expectantly and full of hope for Jesus.

But waiting...for a baby, for Jesus, for God to act...is a charachter trait the Lord is building in me as we speak.  As I wait these next 14 days I hope my eyes are stayed on what is truly important this Christmas time...not the presents, cookies, quality time with family, Santa...but on the birth of a child who changed my life.  Without his birth, he couldn't have taken my wrath on calvary...and for the return of Jesus...for this I can wait.

Merry Christmas a few weeks early:)

Obamacare...

here's a good article opposing obamacare...the health care reform bill sounds great in theory until it's put into place and things we stand for are thrown straight into the trash.

Abortion, Euthanasia, Eugenics, and Ethics Problems with Health Care Reform

God has a sense of humor

First things first, I got myself out of the house for a great walk/run this morning.  It was during this great endorphin high that I realized how irony and humor come in to play when it comes to the Lord.

During this season of not knowing whether my body will ever be able to bring forth life, the Lord has been good to me, even causing a chuckle here or there.  I've been focusing on the goodness of the Lord and how being with him is better than life, any life.  So on my walk, I was checking my google reader and guess what, yet another person was pregnant.  Whether it's people I know personally or in the blogosphere, this is the time for bringing forth life.

During this season, I have a few choices...I can be embittered by this, acknowledge it and forge ahead, or I can embrace it and be joyful for those who are expecting.  I'm in between the latter two, because if I'm honest being embittered just does not fit my personality.  There are things better than children...like chocolate for instance, or so I'm fighting to believe!

So back to google reader...after reading the post, I laughed out loud.  Good thing there wasn't anyone around, it was quite a chuckle I had with the Lord.  He's pretty funny!  Why was I laughing and thinking he has a sense of humor.  Because I believe that sometimes the Lord puts trials in our lives to produce in us godliness, endurance, and faith in his will, not ours.

  "we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces charachter, and characherter produces hope..." Romans 5:3-4

I had a little conversation with the Lord at that point here's a quick synopsis:

me:  Lord, you're pretty funny...seriously, another person, you have got to be kidding...(insert laughter)

lord:  kidding, i am not. 

me: i know, Lord.  you are better than life, better than a baby, better than anything.  it will be okay, even if you never bless us with children, because you are better than anything this life can offer.

lord:  know this..."In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world" John 16:33

me:  thanks for the overflowing of life...i can laugh now at the irony, because i'm growing in my understanding of who you are and why you put trials in our way...thank you for testing my faith.

Indianapolis in Pics

On the Train in our hotel

With Alex's Parents

Alex and Mark being silly

MN winners

MN winners and NARI members

Pete and Jane

Alex and I

Enough

The all-sufficient one...El Shaddai...The Lord is enough

For Abraham in Genesis, the Lord was enough.  He was the "pourer forth," the one who pours himself out for his creation (noted from Lord I want to know You, Kay Arthur).  His Grace is sufficient, He is enough.  This is what the Lord has been teaching my heart these past few days.  No matter what comes our way, no matter the day and hour, He is all sufficient...enough.

When I am honest with myself, like I was yesterday, I know I am not acknowledging the Lord as enough.  There are things I want, things I don't understand, things that hurt.

As a child, I always wanted to be the mommy to my dolls, stuffed animals, to anything.  I'm a nanny.  I was a early childhood major in grad school.  It's obvious I love children.  Right now, the one thing I was ready for, wanting, thought might come a little easier, is not.  About a month ago, I was referred to an Infertility Specialist.  Disheartening, yes.  Encouraging, maybe.  A test of faith, absolutely.

Maybe we'll get pregnant, maybe not.  But at the end of the day, I hear my Savior asking, "Am I enough?"  Yes Lord, whether you open my womb or not You are ENOUGH!

As I stumble down this new road, new path for our lives, I'm grasping hold of the verse that always comforts my heart:

"You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off";

fear not for I am with you,

be not dismayed, for I am your God,

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  ( Isaiah 41:9b-10)

God's righteous right hand refers to Jesus...I want to be upheld by Jesus, the perfecter of my faith.  God hasn't promised to open my womb, to bless us with children, to make life easy, but he has promised that He will be with us every step of the way...rejoicing with us and suffering with us and at the end of the day, that is more than ENOUGH!